Mackie's world

Ok so lets just start with I got married in August and by November was getting a divorce.  Its now February and still not divorced but not a lot i can do about it.  So much has happened since i have been on here i don't know what else to talk about.  Ok the soon to be ex-cheese that is so past his expiration date is the guy from last march and the same one mentioned not by name but referred to throughout following dates.  He is 5 yrs younger than me and Hispanic and well he lied allot to me and his family and well lets just not get into the rest.  I have quit my second job (back in October)  My "husband" wasn't helping with the bills and i was soo sick so i asked him for help and he said i could quit one job but then never helped me out. (he is in Kuwait currently) He made Pickles so many promises that will never be filled it breaks my heart.  I have been in the hospital in November, grandma died in October, been sick for the last month with what they tell me is a physical reaction from too much stress (lost half my hair and about 16 lbs.) and possibly have cancer.  Ok so that pretty much gets you current.  Oh yeah and puppy (17yr old dog) died 3 days after i got out of the hospital.  But my spirits are up, the military is making him pay me BAH until the divorce is final which means i can hold off on the two job thing again thank god because there is no way i can handle it.  My truck is still great. I finally got a couch and tv they were gifts from the husband and we had cable and internet for about 5 months. I know right living like kings for us.  But i still filled unfulfilled, lacking and lost.  Working on it, but the first thing to start on is the whole sick thing and being able to eat again!       

Well, so far I have to say that June is at the least been interesting so far.  I have had several crises, been harassed by I have no idea how, scared out of my wits, made major financial decisions, had possibly a minor heart attack and well the list goes on.  Lets just say I’ve been busy.

 

Pickles has been out of town for a week and will be gone for a while longer and I miss him terribly and really don’t know quite what to do with myself.  Things have actually calmed down for the last week.   Let’s see I guess it all started a few weeks ago with some difficulties with my bank that continually got worse. Then my hair started falling out again. After that bank issues it caused a cascade effect through out my financial responsibilities, so basically I panicked and everything got worse. The stupid sun roof on my car started leaking. Oh and I found out that the people that have to take a test from where they are to get to where I am and go through an interview process were getting a raise and I wasn’t.  OKAY that makes sense.   My health got worse. I got upset so everything got worse.  I started getting phone calls and text messages from some guy with a Nashville area code who was supposedly a friend of some other guy I don’t know they knew where I worked (second job) and my cell number and were really rude and it scared the crap out of me.  Thought I had that one solved and another Nashville number started in a week later.  I think they are done now though.  I have had so much to do at my main job I could be working there 80 hr weeks and maybe catch up.    Its been crazy.

 

So anyway among many other things that went on with people from the past and present and other small calamities just about all that stuff is fixed.   The money is better there’s a plan in place that actually lets me take a vacation in December and renovate my house.  My supervisors managed to get me a raise (after a lot of discussion and arguments (not with me)) .   So mostly, everything is almost all better.  I managed to get home and go to six flags with my mom and pickles.  I am feeling more relaxed about most everything.  A few issues linger but they have for a while and they are more personal than well all that other crap.  Love and all that junk ya know.   So once again I stand triumphant after a catastrophe.   A good friend actually reminded me of the fact that all this junk always hits me at the same time and I always manage to get through it ok.   He was right, but ya know what?  I think I earned that damn vacation this time! So cross your fingers and hope that it actually does all work out and maybe just maybe it will.

Ok as usual nothing to report.  Spent half the last week at the dr having a test done.  That was fun lol, we are not even going to discuss what the test was but its safe to say that the biopsy results were just what was expected.   

 

The roommate search continues.

 

We cut Pickles hair so he is a normal looking boy now not a hip skateboarder.

 

Absolutely nothing happened this weekend. I worked and that’s it.  I was supposed to go see my favorite vegetarian but Pickles had a friend come over and stay the night so that didn’t happen. But This weekend coming up will have some major partying in it even if I have to hire a band and strippers myself!  Just remember one month left until my super fantastic semi annual birthday party! 

 

 

I am currently in search of a new mellow song so if you have a favorite one please send it to me, you  know the email address. 

 

Also just to let you know I have deiced that the word has become too commercial and I refuse to participate anymore! 

Several choices for this evening:

Get drunk with several gay men…… (yeah that was the invite)

Movies

Hang out with person who will not show me respect

Stay home

Believe it or not this is actually a difficult decision and I can’t make up my mind. 

I miss not having a radio in my car. 

I like the radio don’t get me wrong. Its just the silent car journeys gave me time to think.  Usually about random meaningless things, but occasional soul searching and problem solving did occur. 

I need a party.

I have the urge to throw a hellacious bon fire.  I want people passed out in the field wondering what the hell happened last night damn it.  It doesn’t need to be my party, I will gladly go to someone else’s and just enjoy myself.  I just want to have some fun. Granted Alcohol should not be needed to have a good time and its not, it just sometimes we all need to get our drunk on.  Plus with booze there is always a few stories that develop and can embarrass people for years and heaven forbid photos that can be used as a bargaining tool. ;)  You know you have a story on one of your friends!   I could forego the party in favor of a vacation.  A beach would have to be involved though.  

Every notice how some things are just more beautiful when you are glum? I often see more beauty around me when I am down that I ever take the time to notice when I am not.  The way the wind blows through the trees or the way a leaf flutters to the ground.  The sun on the water its all much more picturesque when I am not at my best. I feel guilty for being “depressed”.  I have a lot in my life to be thankful for.  I just get weary of the day to day struggle that is my life.  Its not that I think I have it harder or easier than others, I just feel worn out from the infinite battle.  As soon as you fix one of the major problems 3 more take its place.  The list never goes away.  It’s not like they are small fixable problems either.  Each one is an undertaking all its own.  I work two jobs and still don’t have enough to take care of what should be nuisances to most people, but I don’t have a couple hundred dollars to spare now or ever and I am not handy because I do not have the tools to do it with.   I grant that a lot of things are my fault for being lazy.  If I had just trained the dog a year ago I would not have a dog that doesn’t listen now.  But something more important always seems to come up needing what should be immediate attention.  I apologize yet again for my lack of artistic expression on here.  I just need a vacation.

 

Ok I guess I kind of haven’t mentioned the guy that is now calling me his girlfriend.  I am going to preface this with the information that I am pissed at him right now and am not in the best mood to be making the introduction.   All the people from my 2^nd job insist that I am too good looking for him and should find someone hot.   The one person that has met him for about 2 seconds from my main job thinks he is the greatest thing since sliced bread.   I think he is cute.  People should not be so, well shallow and obsessed with looks.  I happen to think he is good looking so there!  Even if I didn’t it’s the person inside that you see after you get to know someone.   We have gone to a hockey game ( Go Preds!), movies, party at my house, and several lunches, for the last week its all been hanging out at my place watching movies.   I have even made him cookies twice.   OH and dinner once, not counting the time I got take out!  He has brought me dinner at work too, we had a parking lot picnic (take out fettuccine alfredo)  He does not have a phone.  If and when he calls me it’s from work or a friends phone.  He has allegedly ordered an apple I phone that hasn’t come in and has been due in for about 2-3 weeks.  I am becoming skeptical of the phone thing, especially with the new info that has entered into the picture (love the internet!).  Ok the other issues are that he is in the army and we all know that I have a rule against dating military.  He is younger than me but in his defense he is got a better head on his shoulders than just about every guy my age that I have ever met. (that’s if you believe everything he says which has gotten me into trouble before).  Apparently well educated, pays his bills or at least his truck payment I don’t know that he has any others due to the lack of phone and he lives in the barracks.    He is from California.  Every one and everything is California lately.  Maybe it’s a clue as to where I should move or something.  He has also invited me to his brothers wedding in Las Vegas in November and on a cruise to the Bahamas in December.    I really do like him, except for the phone thing.  I just feel kind of nervous about the fact that I am a little on the doubtful side. Maybe its just because in the past when people have told me the things he has told me about his life I always find out they are a big looser with a capital L.   Liars.  Bums. Etc.   Also the fact that I like him is not good, let’s take a look at my track record.  If I like you there is no way I should date you!  On other fronts I am asked out constantly by other people at work (2^nd job) It has mostly been since I started dating this other guy.   Two or three other people that I was/would be interested in have asked me out and I had to turn them down.  I mean damn if I get this much action at a video store imagine if I worked at a bar!  I have to tell you its fabulous for the ego, but it kind of gives you that “the grass is greener” syndrome.  Still love’n the new ride.  Had a ex text me because he wanted to have sex.  Have told said ex in the past not interested not that kinda girl, he then informed me that he was going to be a daddy.  WTF!  Go hook up with her then damn it!  Leave me alone.  Even if I didn’t have a man, I would not be doing that!  Damn I just actually said I got a man.  Guess that means I have given in to the dark side.   I am also taking diet pills.  Well actually they are fat burners.  Mostly this is because I am so tired and they wake me up.  I also was supposed to start working out with the devil again yesterday but due to a back injury  that will not heal it is a no go.  SO this means I actually have to motivate myself and get to sweatin.  I really don’t see that happening.   Its too hot to walk/run, I won’t go to the free gym at work by myself, and I will not pay for a membership if I can go for free.  I guess I just need to suck it up and stop whinning.  The above mentioned *choke* boyfriend has said that he will run with me but I am too much of a wimp and too embarrassed by my out of shapeness to actually take his workout crazy self up on it.

Missed me?  I have been soooo busy lately. Two jobs is tuff!  I got a new vehicle about 2 weeks ago. Its an SUV, before you start yelling at me (as I am at myself) you must understand the circumstances around it.  I really had no choice and it is a stick so I can take a little comfort in the fact that it gets the same gas mileage as my old car.   I am effecting the environment no worse than I previously was.  Whew.   But I have to say its great to have a working vehicle that you don't have to worry about getting stuck on the side of the road. 

 

 Um what else is new.... Not a lot really I work too much to accomplish many things.  I met a new guy.  We had lunch Sunday are having lunch today and are going to the pub crawl together.  The pub crawl.   I must say i have been looking forward to this for some time an adult time out to cut loose and have fun ie get totally wasted.   Also there was a repeat invite for margaritas this week... what is it with guys and trying to get me drunk? LOL  OH that reminds me I don't think i will be hearing from text message guy anymore word has it he got fired/resigned for do the same thing to somebody else.    

 

Pickles and I made it to our Tuesday movie. We saw the 300.  It was really good.   Pickles said repeatedly throughout the movie "I hope they make this in to a video game"  Ok bud.  

 

Mackie has been signed sealed and delivered.

 

 

Just got of work from my second job and had to stop by my 1st due to Pickels getting sent home friday for throwing up on the nurse.  

 

On the car front, it now wont shift out of 2nd gear.  Its getting totaled out by the insurance company so the loan I took out to pay for engine repairs will be paid off and I get a few hundred to boot.   I found a car I want, but the down payment is 2500.  That I dont have.   I can get a different one but I want the transam convertable!!! (she said while stamping her foot)   I guess I will end up with the sunfire no options and manual transmission.   Sigh....   Fullyloaded convertable or sunfire um  easy choice but alas the down payment is mandatory and even with my cash and a trade in no dice.  I am about 1400 short.   Sigh again.  Ok i am spoiled or at least so I am told but I just see it as I know what I like and dont want to settle.  

 

More random booty calls this week.  Whats that about anyway?   I yhad no less that three in a week.  By three I mean 3 different exs calling to see if i was intersted.   These are all guys I dated for over 6 months to a year well except for the weirdo I listed in the previous entry.   I just dont get it.  They all know me better than that!   AND I was asked out by another 21 yr old.   I give up, its hopeless.   Ireland (store manager at 2nd job)  (have you noticed all the people that get named after locations in this blog?)  is thinking about setting me up with a guy i was apparently flirting with at work today.   Apparently if you have a friendly conversation with anyone of the opposite sex anymore its flirting.   I see it as talking to people but apparelty its flirting or so say people i work with at both jobs.   Goodlooking employed guy in my age range though..... hmmm and i know that he likes butter pecan (my fave)  ice cream for breakfast..... hmmm again, maybe.

 

Oh yeah the car broke down in the middle of nowhere last week on the way to pick up friend to go to gay bar so that didn't happen.  I was really looking forward to it too, a chance to have fun and relax without getting hit on by sleaze balls.   Oh well tomorrow starts another week.

 

Dogs can see ghosts.

I am not a whore.  I have been on a date or two, but as I do not sleep (have sex) with these people or take money from them in any way shape or form I do not see how I am a whore.   Apparently, that is the perception according to a co-worker.  I can’t remember the last time I had sex.   I have been out with 2 or 3 people one time since December and apparently that looks bad.  OK two were friends, one a friend I would like to date but still…..    I am so sick of people’s opinions and them sticking there nose where it does not belong.   Also on the list is the ridiculousness that has been going on at my main job.  A person that has my old cell number (my only contact number for 2-3 years) has called my boss and complained that they get calls for me on a weekly basis since they have had the phone (6 months).  I don’t see how this is my problem but apparently it is as I am being accused by said person and apparently my supervisor of ducking creditors and still giving the number out.  OK whatever.  The only creditors I have are my house and a visa and um they are not late, check my damn credit report.   I told my boss I would take a lie detector to the fact that I have not given this number out and apparently its not necessary.  Whatever, this is only the tip of the iceberg still wondering why I hate my job?  Been here 8 years used to love it now dread it.   I am not too thrilled about having to work 2 jobs either.      

 

Since I am bitching I would like to know how me telling someone I am busy for the rest of the week, I only am interested in seeing them if everyone plans on keeping their clothes on and that I am seeing someone equals him telling me he wants to give me oral.   I thought I had made it clear to the person that I was not interested in that type of relationship, but apparently not.  I have let him think a few times that I would meet him after work just because he pisses me off and I had every intention of standing him up but it never get to the point of me standing him up because he pisses me off to badly first and I just ignore him.  I wish there was a way to block his damn text messages.  Talk about being an ass, you wouldn’t believe some of the things this guy texts me! 

 

Just having a crappy week I guess.  The only person I am interested in dating live to far away for it.  He is pretty cool.  Musician, vegetarian, carpenter.   Great guy we have a lot in common.   He is making me a cd of his greatest hits at my request. 

 

I might be making my first trip to a gay bar this weekend.   Friend of mine made me promise I would go out with him tonight ( and uh if you didn’t figure it out, he’s gay). Almost went last night but he decided he couldn’t take me out if I had to be at work at 7 am today.  I don’t know the purpose of me going to a gay bar besides to hang out with him and hopefully relax and not worry about getting hit on by sleaze balls like at a normal bar but who knows, anything can happen.

 

Bills are paid my nails look fabulous and I am getting my hair done Monday.  Life isn’t too bad except that I have two nights a week off.  I planned on spending valentines with Pickles (had to turn down the vegetarian’s dinner plans to do so)  rented him two movies got home about 5 fell asleep about 530.  So much for quality time.   Poor kid. I picked him up last night from the neighbor’s (not the creepy one) at about 1 am because he misses me and wanted to see me for a few minutes even if that’s all he got.   Now that will break anyone’s hart.   I love the little booger damn it and he is the greatest kid.  

 

Stupid car is getting worse.  (hence not driving to see vegetarian recently)  Now I hit the gas and the car slows down on top of overheating!   No hope on that front though.  I have decided that I just don’t want a car payment that will keep me from quitting my second job.   So cheep and crappy it is!  WOO HOO.  

 

I wascarded for cigarettes last night and have been asked out by more boys (boys=under 25 years old).  So on the nice side of life I look really good for my age.  Nobody thinks I am over 24-25 and apparently the gas station clerk thinks I might not be 18 or something. HA!   Damnit at least I am still a hottie!  (which is probably why sleaze balls want to hit on me and always wanting sex and no relationship I am just not that kind of girl damnit give it up!)   

 

Well I bitched enough for the day. At least I am not still whining.  Things are getting way better.   I might even have living room furniture by the end of the month and it will be paid for!   I figure I work this job till I get that and my car, maybe a few other things and then go back to school again.   Fix the stuff that’s wrong (none left) fix up the house (working on it) save a couple hundred (not yet started) and then quite.  Sometime in march or April if everything goes right.   Sounds like a plan Stan.   At least I know I am making progress on the right path!

 

Hope all your days are filled with love and happiness, free from worry and strife and that you enjoy every minute of them no matter what.