Ok as usual nothing to report.  Spent half the last week at the dr having a test done.  That was fun lol, we are not even going to discuss what the test was but its safe to say that the biopsy results were just what was expected.   

 

The roommate search continues.

 

We cut Pickles hair so he is a normal looking boy now not a hip skateboarder.

 

Absolutely nothing happened this weekend. I worked and that’s it.  I was supposed to go see my favorite vegetarian but Pickles had a friend come over and stay the night so that didn’t happen. But This weekend coming up will have some major partying in it even if I have to hire a band and strippers myself!  Just remember one month left until my super fantastic semi annual birthday party! 

 

 

I am currently in search of a new mellow song so if you have a favorite one please send it to me, you  know the email address. 

 

Also just to let you know I have deiced that the word has become too commercial and I refuse to participate anymore! 

Several choices for this evening:

Get drunk with several gay men…… (yeah that was the invite)

Movies

Hang out with person who will not show me respect

Stay home

Believe it or not this is actually a difficult decision and I can’t make up my mind. 

I miss not having a radio in my car. 

I like the radio don’t get me wrong. Its just the silent car journeys gave me time to think.  Usually about random meaningless things, but occasional soul searching and problem solving did occur. 

I need a party.

I have the urge to throw a hellacious bon fire.  I want people passed out in the field wondering what the hell happened last night damn it.  It doesn’t need to be my party, I will gladly go to someone else’s and just enjoy myself.  I just want to have some fun. Granted Alcohol should not be needed to have a good time and its not, it just sometimes we all need to get our drunk on.  Plus with booze there is always a few stories that develop and can embarrass people for years and heaven forbid photos that can be used as a bargaining tool. ;)  You know you have a story on one of your friends!   I could forego the party in favor of a vacation.  A beach would have to be involved though.  

Every notice how some things are just more beautiful when you are glum? I often see more beauty around me when I am down that I ever take the time to notice when I am not.  The way the wind blows through the trees or the way a leaf flutters to the ground.  The sun on the water its all much more picturesque when I am not at my best. I feel guilty for being “depressed”.  I have a lot in my life to be thankful for.  I just get weary of the day to day struggle that is my life.  Its not that I think I have it harder or easier than others, I just feel worn out from the infinite battle.  As soon as you fix one of the major problems 3 more take its place.  The list never goes away.  It’s not like they are small fixable problems either.  Each one is an undertaking all its own.  I work two jobs and still don’t have enough to take care of what should be nuisances to most people, but I don’t have a couple hundred dollars to spare now or ever and I am not handy because I do not have the tools to do it with.   I grant that a lot of things are my fault for being lazy.  If I had just trained the dog a year ago I would not have a dog that doesn’t listen now.  But something more important always seems to come up needing what should be immediate attention.  I apologize yet again for my lack of artistic expression on here.  I just need a vacation.

Missed me?  I have been soooo busy lately. Two jobs is tuff!  I got a new vehicle about 2 weeks ago. Its an SUV, before you start yelling at me (as I am at myself) you must understand the circumstances around it.  I really had no choice and it is a stick so I can take a little comfort in the fact that it gets the same gas mileage as my old car.   I am effecting the environment no worse than I previously was.  Whew.   But I have to say its great to have a working vehicle that you don't have to worry about getting stuck on the side of the road. 

 

 Um what else is new.... Not a lot really I work too much to accomplish many things.  I met a new guy.  We had lunch Sunday are having lunch today and are going to the pub crawl together.  The pub crawl.   I must say i have been looking forward to this for some time an adult time out to cut loose and have fun ie get totally wasted.   Also there was a repeat invite for margaritas this week... what is it with guys and trying to get me drunk? LOL  OH that reminds me I don't think i will be hearing from text message guy anymore word has it he got fired/resigned for do the same thing to somebody else.    

 

Pickles and I made it to our Tuesday movie. We saw the 300.  It was really good.   Pickles said repeatedly throughout the movie "I hope they make this in to a video game"  Ok bud.  

 

Mackie has been signed sealed and delivered.

 

 

Men are a puzzle I am never meant to figure out.  They say one thing and do the other.

 

Always change the oil in your car, new engines are expensive.

 

People are going to dislike you for no apparent reason, try not to sweat it, easier said than done.

 

Cordless phones usually work after being dropped in water if you let them dry out. 

 

Books expand when dropped in the bath tub.

 

Diet pills don’t work.  Just eat right and exercise. 

 

People can and actually do bite their toe nails.  I am not one of them and its really gross to watch.

 

People seldom notice how well you do your job, they do however noticed every time you screw up and they remember it.

 

It’s always good to have a friend who is a contractor.

 

Don’t kill yourself with the what ifs.

 

Ducks make a BIG mess in a basement.

 

Some snakes do chase you.

 

My mom can scream loudly when she sees a fake spider.

 

Dogs can see ghosts.

 

Never stop learning.

 

Always ask why.

Don’t believe you ex husband when he says the check is in the mail.

 Nothing is as good as it sound, except desert

 Love is more important than anything else is. (be it for your child, significant other, etc.)

 Don’t give your trust away, it must me earned.

 Don’t get married until you are old enough to drink, then wait 2 years.

 Unattended children and cake frosting make a large mess.

 Life speeds up the older you get.  This is amplified by having children.

 Moisturize

 Two Tylenol and a bottle of water before you go to bed will save you grief in the morning.

 Bodybuilders shave their entire bodies.

 Kids are better than TV when it comes to entertainment.

 I still love my dogs more than most people because they do not lie, are loyal, are always happy to see you.

 To be continued . . .

 

 

Several entries have recently been deleted and added to a private folder due to Um i decided its none ya. That makes a lot of sense right? I meann all of this is pretty personal so how bout I just say I was way stressed out and whinning more than usual....

Well, once again we did not make the museum exhibit. We did have a pretty fun packed day though!  We took Idaho with us to the Rainforest Café for lunch.  Then we went to Sting Ray Bay where we all got to pet and feed Sting Rays.  After that, we went to Dave and Busters (formerly Julian’s), played some games, and cashed in our tickets.  From there we trekked to the movies.  The Ant Bully in IMAX 3D was not exactly worth the cost to get in to me but the kids liked it.  Then we went to the toy store were the boys got baseball cards.  Our final stop was The Earth Bound Trading Company where we added to our hermit crab collection.  Idaho ended up staying the night and I had the pleasure of sleeping on the floor in the living room so they could use the tv in my room. 

 

I managed to snag a few books while we were out and have read 3 of the 4 I bought already.  I read too fast and when I start reading a book everything else in the world stops for me.  I get so caught up that I just read, eat and sleep.  I don’t sleep very much either because I want to find out what happens next so I can never seem to put the book down no matter how tired I am. 

I put in an application to foster dogs for the local humane society today.  

 

I accidentaly died my hair 4 shades of red.  It was supposed to be a color called chocolate moose but came out very red.  I made a call to my hair stylist for an emergency appt and will get it fixed tonight (after waiting since Tues!)  I feel rediculous.  I will try to snap a pic just for laughs and to remember to not try to color my hair by myself ever again.  

 

“ I like person better than principles, and I like person with no principles better than anything else in the world.” Oscar Wilde

 

When I was three years old, I poked my self in the eye with a tinker toy while my mother was vacuuming.  I remember sitting on the couch on two king size pillows, toys in had with the dog sitting next to me.  I do not remember poking myself.  I had to wear an eye patch for several months.  I remember being in my room and taking the patch off.  I wasn’t allowed to but I did it anyway. I remember sitting it on my child size table and standing there thinking I am not supposed to do this.

 

When I was about ten years old, I almost died. They discovered that I had Crohn’s Disease.  After I was diagnosed, treated, and brought back to health, I was only allowed a bland diet and had to take many pills.  For Christmas that year someone gave me a small plastic tree filled with M & Ms.  I was not allowed to eat that kind of food at this time.  I remember hiding it in my nightstand and sneaking three or four at a time over months. (Imagine not being able to eat anything but plain cooked potatoes, toast with no butter, and dry rice cripsies for several months when you are ten yrs old.)  

 

When I was in Jr high or High school I remember looking at my dad’s liquor cabinet and sticking my finger in the jar just to see what they tasted like when he wasn’t home.  

 

Now, I was always a good kid. I did my share of things I wasn’t supposed to but nothing really bad. )(drugs don’t count) I didn’t do things like that because you weren’t supposed to. Nevertheless, in the cases above I broke the rules even if they were minor infractions.  I guess I have never been a risk taker in that part of my life.  I do however break many rules in other ways.  I do not think like the majority of people.  I have different ideas and beliefs.  I might have been a good kid who never got into trouble, but I still did break rules.  It was my way of being a speaking out the only way I knew how at the time.  You cant, or it is not well advised, to stand up to your parents and say no, I don’t think so.  I had to wear a uniform to school (catholic school) and I wore lipstick in wild colors with it. It was my way of standing out and being an individual.  As I got older, I told my father when I disagreed with him and as imagined it did not go over well.  This was not allowed in my house and is not to this day when it comes to dad.  My mom on the other had will listed to both sides. You might not change her mind but she will try to see your point.  I asked my mom what she would do if I were gay.  She stated that Well, I would just say this is my daughter, Mackie, and her girlfriend.  Now that is a cool mom.  She took it in stride when I pierced my navel when I was a Sr in high school (not normal at that time) and when I got my first tattoo.  She went with me to get the second tattoo.  Dad, he had a fit when he found out and I was 22 with a 2yr old and married at that time.  I don’t know what that has to do with what I am trying to say, except to say I didn’t get it from my dad. The biggest thing in his life is appearance and how others perceived us as a family.  Abnormal or individually was a no-no.  It showed that we were not the poster family.  I guess I get my acceptance from my mom, but my way of thinking is my own. I had no outside influences that introduced me to them.  I am weird.  Everybody thinks of me as well, a free spirit, a hippie born too late, eccentric. I like these descriptions.  I guess my point is that I am a good person.  I might break a few small rules here and there and I might be different but, that doesn't make me bad.  We need more free thinkers in the world.  So when I but the violet streaks in my hair next week don't look at me and think oh she is wierd instead think how cool someone who has the courage to do what they want and is comfortable with it. 

I had the strangest dream last night. It was more like a nightmare.  Please don’t judge me by the characters in my dreams for after all they are only dreams.  I will give you my interpretation at the end. 

 

It started out at a place something like a roller rink, but also a go-cart store etc.  The place to skate was smaller than a rink and round with a big fan in the ceiling.  It was owned by the guy who played Bobby or Peter Brady (kind of a mixture of both) but he was in his mid 20s and so was I. He was adorable and had three brothers, they all looked like him in various stages of life one older and two younger.  Well apparently, he fell madly in love with me when I entered the store and talk to me for a bit. Then pushed me around the skating and store areas on rollerblades while I laughed and had a great time. It was almost like dancing and being a little kid and having your parent pull you on your skates.  I felt blissful.  I think that it is very important to convey how very happy I was at this point in the dream. Then we stopped at a group of picnic tables inside the store and a girl I had never met before wanted me to be on a fast pitch softball team.  I asked her why she wanted me, how she knew I had ever played, and told her that I had only played one year then due to an injury at the time couldn’t play anymore without intensive physical therapy.  Then a voice from behind be said we didn’t know how she found us either.  It was a group of girls I had gone to school with, aged appropriately.   Then the girl asking be to be on the team said show him your arm gesturing to Bobby/Peter so I pushed my sleeve up to reveal my arm and it was covered in bruises and what looked like blood pooling beneath the surface of my arm, red and black.  The skin had the look of leather in places. Every one took to panicking.  Bobby/Peter’s mother appeared from nowhere to tell me I was not going to try to accuse her son of beating me, I don’t know why.  I assured her that was not the case and that in fact I had no idea what was going on.  Then my abdomen began to swell I was filling with blood.  I was bleeding inside I knew it!  Get my mother call 911.  Pickles ran to the car to get my mom, who was apparently waiting in the parking lot and they both disappeared for the rest of the dream.  My body continued to expand; I looked like a 400lb 5’2” person with dimples of fat only I was covered with the blood spots. I kept thinking I am going to die. I will bleed to death or I will explode. Then the store flooded. Bobby/Peter still concerned with my safety got a go-cart as it was floating by and got me inside a nitch and held the cart there to avoid me being hit by debris.  His brothers later joined him.  When the water was reaching the point of being over their heads a large plastic ball like young children play with was floating by, they cut it, filled it with an air tube, and used it to breath. They stayed with me and passed me the air tube occasionally so I could breath.  Then my stomach started to crack open. I was really dying.  I noticed that I didn’t need the air tube that often. I knew I could not hold my breath that long and though that was strange. I inhaled. It was ok. I got there attention and showed them.  I continued to breathe in the water and I started to shrink back to my normal size.  Then when my normal size once again my legs melted together and I slowly turned into a mermaid.  I was miserable, how could I be with my son.  See my mother.  I could live now, but at what cost.  I thought that I could swim to St Louis to get my mom and tell her to take care of Pickles and the dogs. When I arrived at the riverfront in St Louis, I woke up.

 

I think this dream symbolizes my desire for a “normal” man in my life who with take care, stick with me and try to save me.  While at the same time shows my terror of being alone.  Water in dreams is supposed to represent emotion.  In the dream it tries to sweep me away showing that, my emotions are out of control right now (which is accurate). 

 

There you have it.  Weird.  Subconscious always is I guess, but deep down don’t we all just want someone to love us and save us from ourselves? 

 

 

Things that bug me

Smurfs

Smurfs bother me. They always have. Now don’t get me wrong  I do believe in fairies I do I Do ** Clapping hands** I like all stuff mythical but something about the little blue bastards have given me nightmares for years Plus they live in mushrooms.

 

Why do we wear underwear?

 I think it’s a custom that we have not outgrown for some reason.  We used to wear lots more layers than we do now, especially women and have gotten down to just the underwear.  I think its unnecessary.  Its not for sanitary reasons because we wash our clothing anyway.  The only reason I can see, is if you are wearing a skirt or dress that is short and standing on a stairwell and there are people on a landing a level lower than you. They just don’t need to know if you wax, shave of are of the free growth persuasion.

 

Why is it a pair of pants? 

There is only one of them.  I understand that there are two legs but they are joined.  It’s a pair of socks because there are two and a pair of shoes because there is two.  THERE IS ONLY ONE PANT.  From now on I will only refer to them as such.

 

Unintentional boycotting of most media  

I haven’t had cable tv for about 2 weeks.  We live in a valley type area and cant pick up the free channels.  My car stereo is broken.  I haven’t had internet at my home for months. ( I can check it briefly at break at work.)  I have basically no media in my life.  Granted I see billboards and my brief access to internet at work of possibly 20 minutes a day but that is limited to msn spaces which is very low in the advertising department.  So I have unintentionally boycotted most media from my life.

 

 

A late entry

 

I don’t know if it’s a southern thing, but I only noticed it after I moved here.  Parents I know here seem to think that their daughters shouldn’t have to cut the grass.  This bothers me greatly.  When I was growing up my brother and I had to take turns mowing the lawn and doing the dishes, (my turn to wash was his turn to dry my turn to mow was he turn to rake the grass (you were lucky to be the mower at my house)).   Here, the girls wash dishes or load the dishwasher and the boys cut the grass.  I have issues with this. I think everybody should do everything.  Like I said when I grew up we both shared it all. We both folded the laundry, he swept and scrubbed the kitchen floor I dusted he vacuumed I cleaned the bathroom we both did dishes and cut grass etc.   When I was married I cut the grass and did all the out door grilling, dishes and house cleaning. First we both worked, then he was a stay at home dad and I worked, then I was a stay at home mom and he worked. Now, I am a single mom and I do all the mowing, yard work (when the equipment works), and my son vacuums and does dishes.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with men doing dishes or girls mowing grass. Its one of the few problems I have with the southern way of thinking.  

Stupid Cheese I hate him now anyway.  Why can’t he just be normal? (like me)  Why doe he have to make it difficult? I never want to see him again.  I am never going to call him ever again. Well I have to because I have to tell Him that I need Pickles games back that he borrowed.  You know that this is his third try?  I have never given anybody a third try.  Well actually its our second try only third if you count being friends when I got mad at him.  He didn’t really do anything wrong either he is just starting into the same pattern that he did the last two times.  He hasn’t done it yet its just starting.  Bone head.  I just want to pull my hair out and scream. When I asked him what was going on, he said you mean with us? I sad yeah, then he said well you are starting to act weird again.  Hmmm well last time he just totally freaked and he even told me that was what happened. I haven’t acted any different he has just started to withdraw.  He even told me before why he does it.  So why am I the one acting weird all of a sudden?  Hence the me being pissed off at him.  This is why I go through stages of just wanted to become a tofu eating tree hugging fan of lilith.  I will probably forget all this by tonight.  Hmpfff.

England's archives list women charged with witchcraft between 1556 and 1718. The most common name on the list is Ann.

This whole car thing with my mom is turning into a big mess.  The air on the car I was driving (giving to her) has gone out and I just had it fixed!  My car, which has been sitting for over a year, is fixed but yesterday I discovered the back seat has grown some mold.  Great.  Its going to cost an unbelievable amount of money to have that cleaned, 175 bucks just to clean the inside of the car. It’s a little car and its just the back seat!  Oh well, at least it has working air. 

 

I have decided that I need a motorcycle.  I have no idea how to drive one I just need one.  The thoughts many people that know me are having about this idea I am sure ranges from laughter to OH MY GOD she will kill herself.  Most are probably a mixture.  I have always wanted a _Vespa too.    Cheaper than a bike but there is a definite nerd factor involved since we are not in Italy.  Vespas are about 4-6 grand so I figure might as well get a bike.  However, being the spoiled princess that I am I want a Harley or a custom chopper and those are at least 16-18 grand to start. I would save a ton of money on gas. Who knows, you might see me tooling around on a Vespa with goggles and silly hat yet. 

 

Pickles informed me this past weekend that we should do away with cars and go back to using horses for transportation.  This would do away with animal casualties on the side of the road (Dangerous as it may be I close my eyes when we pass). He also pointed out that it would be much better for the environment No burning fossil fuels, no bad exhaust, etc.  I told him that was great except that it would take forever to go places.  A friend of mine who lived maybe ten minutes away by car took 4 hours to ride his horse to our house.  Now I do not think it should have taken 4 hours but still it was a considerably large amount of time.  Nevertheless, the kids heart was in the right place and I am proud of him. 

 

During the course of a year, the average person walks four miles to make their bed.

It’s been a slightly uneventful week in my world.  I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday with a bad migraine.  Yesterday was Pickles first day of 5^th grade.  The biggest thing that happened I guess was the mess my mother got into.  Her car broke down last week. She called me several times and got mad because I was not home and she was stuck on the side of the road, I really don’t understand this because she lives four and half to five hours away, but apparently I need to know.  When she took her car in to get fixed, she found out that it cant be fixed for less than the car is worth.  I told her I would give her the car I am driving if she paid to fix my other car.  (less than 300 bucks) She agreed because it would save her a lot of money, I agreed because I hate the grandma car I drive and miss my little z24.  Well apparently, she decided that she couldn’t get my car and went to go price, and only price, a used car.  Well, the next thing she knows she is cornered in a salesman’s office with the manager yelling at her to sign papers.  She signed the papers on the condition that if she couldn’t get the down payment they would return the check she was writing them and left without the car.  The next day the dude shows up at her apartment with the car and asks for the check.  She asked again what would happen if she couldn’t get the down payment and he said he would return the check.  Then she called me and said “I think I have done something really stupid.”  She did not intend to buy the car.  She just wanted out of there and for some strange reason thought that the papers she signed was a contract to keep the price of the car at what she agreed to until she could find out if she could get the money.  I told her no you bought a car.  Well her reply was they didn’t give her a copy of any paper work except a bill of sale.  UH DUHHHHHHH mom,  a bill of sale but you didn’t buy it?  So I told her to take it back and try to get out of it because she can’t afford a payment (and there is no way she can).  Well several days later and several people intervening resulted in her getting out of the deal because she postdated the check.  So now, she is getting my car.  The woman drives me nuts as parents are suppose to when we get older.  The scary part is this is the woman managing my money because she thought she could do a better job than I do. I got tired of listening to her complain about it so I said here you try it for a while see how easy you think it is.  The bad part is I still do all of the work and have to remind her what needs to be done and end up taking all the money back to pay stuff cause she doesn’t do it!  I also have to bail her out of stuff like the car incident all the time, but I guess she is happy so that’s all that really matters even if I go nuts trying to keep her that way.  After all she is my mom, and I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for her.  Love ya mom. 

 

An indocannibal eats only friends. An exocannibal eats only enemies

Ok first thing first, my invisible underwear is missing.  Yup, that’s right all 4 pairs.  Now as strange as it may seem invisible underwear comes in several colors. (Black, blue and red were my choices.) Now, for the life of me I cannot figure out what has happened to it.  Perhaps Bingo, Pickles imaginary friend from years ago, stop by saw them and is now running around town with 4 pairs of underwear on his head.

 

Took Pickles to day camp this morning and stopped at Mickie D’s to get him a cinnamon roll.  Well, apparently the special of the day was cinnamon scented ass rolls.  That thing stunk up the entire car. I had to roll the windows down.  There is nothing like driving into work with the windows down to get the warm ass smell out of your car.  How the hell does that kid eat those things? 

 

A person suffering from "polythelia" has three nipples.

 

I have discussed before the ducks I have received.  I don’t think I ever said that they were disappearing.  One day Pickles went out to feed 3 ducks..  Howard and the two ¾ grown ducks.  the next day the tractor man stopped by and cut grass for the first and only time this year, and he informed me that I only had 2 ducks, I had pickles check and sure enough it was only Howard, and one of the ¾ grown ducks.  3-4 days later, it was only Howard. Howard has managed to stay around several weeks now after the other 2 have disappeared without a trace.  There have been no mangled duck bodies or stray feathers left behind; this leaves me with several theories. 

 

1. Aliens.  Nuff said

 

2. Howard is a Kung fu/Ninja  Duck and has been kicking some serious butt

 

3. Howard is the duck mafia and has been “getting rid of the new guys who wouldn't pay the protection fee.  They sleep with the fishes. 

 

Now, I have to admit that my favorite is the kung fu theory just cause of the mental picture I get of my duck standing there on the edge of the pond opening a can of whoop-ass n some unsuspecting hungry predator. (along with background music you guessed it ***everybody was kung fu fighting man those kicks were fast as lightening****  now get that song out of your head today!) 

 

40% of people who move to a new address also change their brand of toothpaste at the same time.

 

Yesterday I saw a young Fara Faucet in an 80’s escort.

 

The most interesting things said in an actually conversation this week:

 

“I was almost and apple.”  And  “My damn Jaguars are reproducing like rabbits.”.

 

Shouldn’t we get time off work for good behavior, or at least call it on account of weather?

 

 Next Tues is 6/6/06, scary huh?

 

Thursday, 6/8/6, is my semi annual b-day, lets be prepared people. 

 

I super glued my foot to my shoe today. Don’t ask.

 

Red and Blue don’t make green.

 

 

 

 

It is against the law to ride a tricycle faster than 10 m.p.h. in Vancouver, Canada.

 

 

Hello, my name is Fred, I live in a pocket. I am what makes we.  Every time people refer to themselves as we and you see only them, they are also talking about me.  Most of you do not know about me, because I only make myself know to a select few.  I am small and mouse like; I eat pocket lint and socks fresh from the dryer (which is why you are always missing a sock if you fold laundry unlike Mac)  I often play with Lucy (mac's rat) when I visit Mackie’s World. You see Mac has a friend who has the problem of saying we, when he means just him. So I stay in his pocket A LOT.  Its sure is a good thing Lucy has two exercise wheels and lots of treats. She even has a THREE level cage excuse me I mean condo.  I wish I had a crib like that, it sure beats pocket living. 

You know the day is going to be interesting when it starts by you trying to suck the syrup off your clothing.  (Memo to self no more french toast sticks at work )

Top reason I am not a player.

 

I do not expect anyone to buy me anything

I am not in it for the “extra activities”

I am not dating anyone

I do not usually date more than one person at one time

I just don’t use people

 

I have had a broken toe for a while. At least I think it is broken. I tried to fix it a work today but all I could find was some gauze and stickers we use for evidence. I am including in the chapter a picture of my toe in all its glory.  SO if you find feet gross cover your eyes.  (please forgive my need of a pedicure, but notice the crappy french pedicure that I do have)

 

 

Some women actually pay for French manicures, while the owner of this blog does her own, badly.