A few years ago I dated a really great guy.  After a few months, he was sent to Iraq for a year.  We wrote letters and sent emails the whole time he was gone.  I was crazy about him.  I was waiting faithfully for him to come back. About a month before he was to come back he found out that he was being sent to another state, that was the end of our relationship.  We remained friends, sent emails etc.  I moved in with another man that I had started dating (the only time I have ever done this).  Then my mother came dangerously close to death.  I had to travel home to St Louis to be with her in the hospital. We had no idea what the outcome would be.  The only person I wanted to talk to was not the person I lived with but my friend.  He talked to me let me cry and made me smile.  This wasn’t the first or last time that he talked me through what was going on and left me smiling over the phone.  I still care for him very much, and I will always wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t had to move away.  I still miss him and wish we talked more.  We send birthday emails and I send a barrage of forwarded emails, but we never talk.  He will always be my favorite ex, and there will always be that what could have been in the back of my mind. 

Ok, well the fish rodeo did not happen. 7 am on a sat was just too early.  We did go fishing though, in a far away place at that. It was over an hour away, Even had pizza afterwards.  Then Pickles played with a new friend.  All of this was done with a new possible cheese that I had lunch with Friday. I think I will call him Ranger Rick or RR for short.  He is all about the army and loves war re-enactments and such.  Great guy, very nice, great kid too.  We, pickles and I, caught no fish.   Pickles broke yet another pole.  So, we are pole less again.  *sigh* nothing sucks like being with out pole.  However, I have decided that I need to go to an oxygen bar.  Apparently, it is like a “party for your cells” According to a coworker.  However, do not get buck wild and get the intense massage at the same time.  OK, I am on it.  

According to experts, the more sex you have, the more sex you are likely to be offered. That's because the sexually active body gives off greater quantities of pheromones  (no wonder I am not getting any)

So you random readers, the weirdness continues. The former ex-cheesy friend wants another try and promises things will be different. Um, NO.  You had your shot, you even had a non-shot as a non-cheese, what do I have stupid on my forehead?  (don’t answer that) 

Most importantly you should know that today is my semi-annual birthday.  So send gifts, lots of gifts.   

I am planning on taking Pickles to a fish rodeo this weekend.  Now I have heard of a rodeo, and even a goat rodeo, but never a fish rodeo.  So, poles in hand, (ok you gotta laugh at that)  we are headed to the park Saturday.  Apparently there are tons of prizes, no mention of what they are though. There is also “free bait and goody bags”.  Now, with a crowd drawing line like that we better get there early!!  (because nothing draws a crowd like free bait except free crewing tobacco which by the way was offered at the rodeo I went to in April)

Just three percent of mammals are monogamous.

Mr. New Cheese came over again last night and we watched movies again.  He really seems like a nice guy.  (although I have been fooled before bwahhaa ha ha)  I am starting to think that his name should have something to do with movies.  That’s all we do.  I like movies though so its cool. 

The crier was over last night. He gave Pickles 30 bucks.  I don’t know. I wouldn’t let him in the house and think I should not even let him see Pickles.  He told him if he wanted to go somewhere to just give him a call.  I think this is getting creepy. Yeah Pickles has known him for 3 or 4 months but he just kinda knew who he was until February.  Then I went out with the guy a few times and since He was forever coming over and they already knew each other it didn’t really bother me that the two met.  ****I normally do not let Pickles meet the cheese.  This last time was an accident and then it was too late because they had met and I couldn’t get a sitter**** But this guy (crier) insists that he loves me and Pickles. I was like I haven’t known you long enough for you to love me and stay the hell away from my pickles you freak.  He’s mine don’t go thinking that you love him cause you don’t know him either.  This guy needs major therapy.  I know I know I am bitching and being bitchy.  But I still think he is creepy. He is not quite as weird as the ex-con neighbor though.

Who is the ex-con neighbor you ask?  Well this guy introduced himself as Spider man or Jr.  He was in prison for murder and claims to have cut someone’s head off while in with a homemade machete.  He also developed a small crush on me. I the time before I discovered this I could not figure out how to nicely tell him it was time for him to go home.  He was coming over every night for 2 or more hrs and then progressed to tell me about his past and say things that made me increasingly uncomfortable.  Like the fact that he came over just to look at me and that he was a male warlock.  (is there any other kind?)  Just plain weird  He also kept asking how me and the cheese were and saying he was going to put a spell on him.  I finally started making up excuses as to why he couldn’t come in.  This only worked a few times.  I finally had to stop opening the door.    And he continued to come over and knock for no less than 20 minutes going from the front to back door. On the 4 or 5^th day of this continuous knocking Pickles yelled out “we don’t want any!”  I told him to shhh continue to pretending we weren’t home but after knocking for another 10 minutes or so he has not returned and it has been at least 2 weeks.

Did you know that 10% of Americans have picked someone else’s nose.

Ok so it’s been a while.  Sorry.  My mom came into town Thursday night which was great cause there was no school or daycare Friday.  We went and saw "The Benchwarmers" Saturday. That was funny.  Pickles spit coke out of his nose a few times and even mom laughed.  I went shopping spending money I don’t have. But really I don't have to make a house payment every month do I?  Got some flowers for the yard to mom.  Didn't really do much else except eat ALOT.  I think I gained 5 lbs and 3 inches! 

The moldy cheese left another message on the voice mail.  I could understand most of it except when he started crying to hard and was still talking.  We answered the last call from him and said "Please don't call anymore. Thank you."  So he has been officially notified. About 10 minutes later his mom's cell phone showed up on the caller ID.  I was in a meeting with a finance person so didn’t answer it.  I wonder if it was him or his mom.   I feel really bad about this, but I have learned from experience that if you answer the phone they call more. It’s best to just cut ties and move on.  He did leave a message last week about the fact that I was killing him and he loves us both and blah blah blah.  Now that did make me feel bad but it pissed me off more. I mean what I won’t answer you never leave messages and now I am killing you?  Well get over it move on stop trying to make me feel guilty.  He was a great guy for the most part, I was just not attracted to him and wasn't in love with him.  I felt it was best to end it before everything got worse.  I mean the man would never go home!  I was tired of sleeping on the couch cause he was in my room. Everything he did started to disgust me.   The way he never wiped his feet and was forever tracking dirt all over the house, the way he ate so much it made me sick.  I know I am a bad person for all of these feeling but let’s face it I am just a bitch deep down and everyone annoys me! 

I could go for some chocolate and a cigarette right now. That small little quiche for lunch just wasn’t even gonna cut it.  Think I will head upstairs and check candy bowls after lunch is over.  I need chocolate and peanut butter. 

PS if you make homemade Ice cream use the real recipe not the instant powder and milk.  IKKK.  What a waste of time and milk. 

  I recently dumped (on Sunday) the latest cheese.  He wanted me to marry him after only about 2 weeks.  Great guy and all but I mean can we say jumped the gun?   I have had my share of these kind of guys before.  In fact my two and a half famous stalkers were some.   I think I have an internal homing beacon that calls to psychos and losers.  The main problem is that I have been divorced for 7 years, have a great 9 yr old son, 4 dogs, 1 rat and a hermit crab.  Oh almost forgot the duck the last cheese gave me.  (he gave me two but then ran one over with his truck... still no idea why he bought me ducks   I guess nothing says love like a couple of ducks). These things do make it difficult to find and date a reasonable normal man of appropriate age.   I mean where do you meet people anymore anyway?

 Ok There are other problems I mean I have judgment issues.  The last guy I dated was this ones brother.  I know I know, geez Mac why in the hell would you do that? Well I have a perfectly good reason that I just haven't thought of yet.  But the thing is that he came after me after I broke up with his looser, non bill paying brother.  So in my world the fault is not mine.  I do feel really bad though. I mean this guy was a crier.  Cried all the time, even if I looked at him wrong. Major turn off.  So you can bet that when I ended it he cried and cried.  Then proceeded to call the house 9 million times (I am not falling for that blocked call in between either so 9 million and 1) I felt horrible but it’s for the best.  I don't love him the way he loves me.  Pickles liked him but actually pointed out to me that I wasn’t in love with him (which I knew but was surprised he did). He stated that I just didn't act like it.  This actually scares me.  The fact that my kid knows how I feel about my boyfriend probably means that I spent too much time having him around them.  Now don't get me wrong he hasn't even met half of the men I dated in the past, but the fact that I have introduced him to a few Does that make me a bad mom?